dude,

don't talk to me as if i don't understand your feelings. alright fine, i may not know everything but stop pulling me in and then pushing me out. i know what it feels like to lose someone. losing someone to another person or losing someone by death it feels the same. emptiness. just depends on how deep the emptiness feels. you came to me each time and tell me all these different sadness you feel and then when i finally reach out and console you, you just brush it off. i don't know how you guys do it ah but i like a simple thank you or it's alright thanks. i feel like i want to give up on you. you make me worry for nothing! i don't know if this is an act of selfishness or what ah but seriously, you need to change your ways.


sorry to say, at the end of the day, i'm still a girl with feelings.

please sweep me off my feet and let me fly high into the sky..

with you by my side.





i said please. :)

what's next?

Dearest (insert name),

If only you accepted me for who I was back then, I wouldn't be in this state. I would've been the same person or better. Then you had to have an interest for someone else and I kept blaming myself. I blamed myself for being too naive, too nice, too generous, too goody-two-shoes for your own good. So I decided to change. Change to the person I thought you'd like. I picked up drinking again. I became more reserve because I wanted to be more aware of people's movement and reaction towards me.

I actually gave each individual a "timeframe". How long a person would remember my name, my actions, how we actually met each other and so on. Roughly about half of those people I supposedly "met" forgot my name after 15 mins of introducing myself to them. Secretly, it hurt quite a bit. Because what ever you do, it became unnoticed. How much you put your effort into it, unnoticed. That's how I feel everytime.

So I pulled back because it hurts lesser. I don't need my friends to introduce who I am. I'll always pray that their "meeting" would be a brief one cause you know, I won't realised the hurt and I won't be disappointed by their actions. Sometimes my friends won't even introduce me. I'll ask myself, "Do I embarrass them?". Yeap, THAT pathetic.

So you see dearest (insert name), I'm this way because of you. You could just say what you didn't like about me and I'll try to be a better person.

I'd do anything to be noticed by people. To be singled out from a million. To be different.

Sincerely,
Fazlinda

Hana Kimi is LOVE!

oh my freaking god!
i'm so freaking addicted to Hana Kimi.
initially i caught the drama on television but then thanks to my dear friend, i'm hooked to the internet and watching the series on youtube. now i'm listening to the OST. despite not a chinese speaking person, i feel the words especially this song, Zhuan Shu Tian Shi by TANK (it's my blog song). the direct tanslation is My Personal Angel but the correct english word is Guardian Angel. i searched high and low for this freaking song lah! haha. shows you how much it means to me. check out the video below.





and video with English Subs can be found here

the show, although a bit childish, captivated my heart simply because i just need that kind of guy to shower me with a little bit of care and concern. that's all i'm asking for. for you to care. simple but difficult to achieve ya?

wow. alright this blog has been stagnant for a year.
nothing much really.
lost the "new" boyfriend last november. so nay to that.
been smoking and drinking more this year. nay to that too.
i've been feeling low these pass few days. OBVIOUSLY nay to that.
sigh.

i'm really hoping for the better.
keep on wishing but none is coming true.