sighh

i finally thought i've found the love of my life. it was a perfect meeting at a perfect time. I could safely say, it was love at first sight. The way you looked at me just brought me smiles. i had butterflies in my stomach again!

i didn't know if i should pursue you or not because i've been hurt so many times before that i don't think i could find the feeling again. however your presence made such a big difference. you are vibrant and bright and not to mention sexy and seductive.

and then finally after so much waiting the day arrived. you were mine to keep! you were right in front of me. i held u in my arms. i hugged u. i kissed u for the very first time. it was as perfect as it could be. it was a dream come true.

but as we all know, good things have to come to an end. i cried many nights because we were so perfect for one minute and the next thing i knew, we couldn't fit together. it was so upsetting and frustrating for me.

i managed to pack you and our memories together into a box and put it away. for good? i don't know. thanks for everything hunny.

during our happier times

shrek baby!!

is it too much to ask for?

you're damn adorable and damn cute! and i just want to give u a smooch on the cheek. not to mention you're damn sweet. every time you chat up with me, i'd smiled.

but then when i truly analyse, it seems you're not as different from that babihutan. you're exactly the same. you're sweet with every single girl.

at first, you asked me if i have a pet name (or name manje) and i said i don't have one but you can call me faz. then u asked me, what do my parents call me? and i answered linda. then you started calling me lin. it was kind off weird but okay i settled in. then i checked your ahem profile, and came to realise there's someone with the similar name as me. so i got this theory in my head, maybe you're trying to distinguish me from the rest. you gave me some sort like a code name huh.

and today, i caught you calling me someone else's name. WOW!

Your Oversized Modern Romeo says:
lain ler kalau yati dodoi kan =P


hmm, yeah yati must be a very sweet person too huh..? is that why you didn't message me? maybe you got confused. geee as much as i love to be your special someone, i don't a another replica of babihutan in my life.

probably we're just meant to be friends.

Dear Rizal,

Sometimes you do bother me. I don't know what you expect from me. If you want attention, I'm sorry, I can't give it to you. I'm too caught up with my studies and work. It gets to me when you send me messages that are so attention seeking. There's no, "Hi, how are you?" or "Hey, what are you doing?". It's always, "I got headache! :(" or "faz." followed by "erm nevermind". WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? I hate those messages okay? Who am I to you? If that's what friends are for then, I'm not a friend to you.

Goodbye.

on a lighter note...

so wtf.
it's mothers' day and the freaking mother just pissed me off.
i spent like close to 100 bucks for her and this is what i get.
geez. i wasn't even making her mad.
i asked her nicely whether she got her specs and she said
"eh! so annoying ah!"


like WHAT THE FUCK RIGHT?!



why do i even bother?

freaking true... AGAIN!

Your mind is never at rest.You are continually striving to influence all those about you. You have some excellent ideas but you persist in trying to persuade others just how great your ideas really are. Maybe you are trying too hard. Take it easy - remember, 'Everything comes to those who wait'.

You are working extremely hard trying to improve your image. You need for those people in positions that matter to recognise your potential and to acknowledge you.

The way things are at this time it is necessary to 'go slow'. All the pleasures that you have anticipated should be left in abeyance until some future date, but all is not lost, you are able to derive and achieve considerable gratification from someone quite close to you.

You are very restless and inclined to be depressed - and try as you may you feel that you are unable to control the situation in which you now find yourself. You refuse point blank to relinquish control of your feelings and to place yourself in other people's hands. It would appear that there is a condition or a relationship on the horizon which you feel could cause you further unwarranted aggravation and stress. This is the last thing you need at this time. There must be more to life than the present situation. You are not quite sure what you are looking for and so you tend to be impatient and irritable until what you seek presents itself to you. You need to get away from this unsatisfactory state of mind, especially now, as you find that your powers of concentration are suffering.

Being afraid that you may be prevented from achieving your hopes and dreams is making you anxious and nervous. As a dreamer your ideas can at times move into the realm of fantasy and you could be following that so called illusive dream.

so.. after a night/morning of doing nothing, (actually i have this report/slides to finish but i can't be bothered lah) i blog-hopped to a couple of people's blog. while i was hopping, i finally stumbled upon this blog i was so familiar with.

and i read through his, yeap his, entries and wow. i was actually wrong about him. i don't know. maybe because i refuse to look beyond his flaws (hint hint, he left me for someone else) and simply forgot about him still being a human with feelings. so poor thing ah.

i really can't believe i'm actually saying this but, he has really grown up! wow. supprising for someone who acts childish all this while just to get whatever he wants. i guess, his actions grew with age. another year or a few more months, he'll be 21.

i'm happy that he has finally grown up. but love wise, aww so sad he can't get that girl he wants. karma lah dude! heh. okay fine, you'll find her soon lah. and she'll love you for who you truly are. unlike me right???

still, i don't wish to know where he is now or where he hangs out or who he friends with. not interested really. okaylah fine. the thought of him still hurts me. leaving someone for someone else or cheating is the lowest. i was hurt too much with him.

i don't think i would want to be friends with him. still not the time yet. then again, i don't think he wants to be friends with me!! yeah lah, i'm not cool mahh. i can't design for nuts. i can't draw as well. and he once told me, i can't even style. hmmm.. whatever lah dude.

as i was saying 2 entries before, if you can change, why can't i? hmm? maybe we'll meet in 2985984682938719543785624 years from now somewhere. maybe we could be friends then. yeap. maybe.

love.LOVE.loVe

so alright, i feel like waving the white flag now.
i'm so tired. i don't know what's wrong.
i don't want to give anymore. i don't think people realised it.
which make it sad. i don't want a simple thank you anymore.
i know it sounds selfish and not me but heck it.
people change so why can't i?